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harmonizer
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Name: Tim
Birthday: 2/19/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: God, piano, guitar, singing, composing, architecture, drawing & sketching, movies, recording & producing, running, macs, talking about myself
Expertise: Emotional baggage, narcissism
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/8/2003
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| The End of DecadenceI've always protested excess and luxurious living, but now that the end of decadence is starting to become a reality in American culture, I must confess that I'm beginning to get uneasy. I guess a part of me always felt secure in the unfathomable wealth of this country even if it didn't personally belong to me. At least there was a notion of financial stability in the world's most powerful country. But recently I've watched my parents' pensions dwindle to nothingness and all of their toil and hard work is sinking into a black hole market. I guess there was always this notion that money was available if you just worked hard enough, but now, there isn't much to work for.
What is happening to the world's greatest economic powerhouse? Is great wealth necessary for greatness? Maybe God is asking us to reevaluate our sense of security or perhaps he is asking us to redefine greatness. What if greatness is found in simplicity and equality? What if great compassion overpowers great strength? I think a healthy dose of humility and a shaking of our seemingly stable foundations is the very thing we need to wake up to the rest of the suffering world. Maybe true empathy for the poor cannot happen until we've experienced the poverty ourselves. After all, our worldly wealth is but a mere concept. It is numbers on paper and computer screens. Maybe God wants us to be rich in something else. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that this economic crisis is a good thing.
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| New Song "Miscommunication"It can't be my fault
I did nothing wrong this time
You say, I push you away
and that you couldn't stay behind
This is not a game, see
If you want to blame me
State your reasons
We can't seem to let go of our pride.
Interpretation has caused this great divide
Communication was lost when I made you cry
I'm starting to realize
That we keep fighting over the same things again
But we both wanted love in the end
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| Simple Acts of MercyI learned a lesson in compassion today. Over the last 6 weeks, I've spent over $400 in medical bills trying to figure out why I'm sick. Last Friday we played a show at Gravity Lounge and there happened to be a doctor out in the audience. After seeing me take an inhaler between songs and hearing me drown in my snot, she gave me her information and told me to see her. When I got to the office, I barely had to wait and they took me to the patient room. She sat down with me and talked to me about my symptoms for at least 20 minutes and then took a bunch of breathing tests to see what was going on with my lungs. She told me that there were symptoms of pneumonia coming on and that I needed to start taking antibiotics and she also explained to me all the reasons why as well. It was nice to have a doctor who didn't just assume I was too ignorant to understand what she was saying.
When I went to checkout to pay, I gave the receptionist my billing sheet and she looked at it kind of perplexed. After scanning over it multiple times, she shrugged and said, "Looks like you're free to go."
I realized today that seemingly small acts of mercy are so much bigger for the person receiving them. I was so grateful for that doctor who didn't even know me and treated me for free. People like that remind me that compassion is still alive and there is hope yet for a graceless and detached world. Maybe getting sick was God's way of showing me that mercy triumphs over judgement. That the purpose of me getting sick was not just to discipline me, but to show me his great love in the midst of it. And to remind me to show that same generosity and compassion when I am given the opportunity. Today I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time.
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| Learning to LoveI've been broken of all my physical energy and patience recently, and it's started to reveal a dormant monster I haven't seen in a while. I've been starting to see an old person emerge that's angry, bitter, selfish and hateful. I'm trying with all my might to battle this resurgence, but as my body is continually shutting down and my emotions are haywire I'm starting to give up on being nice. I'm starting to withdraw into myself and telling myself that I need to detach. On top of that, my clients are sending me hateful emails telling me that my progress on their websites is inappropriate. And while they're right, I feel exhausted most of the time and too sick to even care. The producers for the EP are anxious to get it done and the pressure to be healthy again is making it worse. I'm starting to realize how human and weak I am. How not only my body needs healing, but my soul needs some major mending. God is starting to reveal my true character and it's not pretty. I'm trying so hard to fight it... trying to remember to have joy and show love in every circumstance. If you're reading this, please pray for me.
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| My mom prayed for me last night...and I cried my eyes out. It's weird how we try so hard to grow up and become independent, but when things start going really wrong, we run back to mom. It's been about 5 weeks now and I'm not getting any better. I was getting frustrated with God and I was starting to feel discouraged so I asked my mom to pray for me. The instant she opened her mouth to call on God to heal me, I felt my soul open up and I started sobbing, because it was one of those moments where I knew the prayer was real. I knew in my heart God was listening. I can't describe how powerful a prayer is when the person loves you and loves God. There's a healing in it that is very rare. I'm still sick, but I think I have more perspective now and a little more hope than when I began. My mom reminded me that God has a good heart and he never wants us to suffer for long. I forget so many times how much God actually loves me and that in time, there is purpose to all the chaos and confusion.
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